I recently came across this idea that everyone cherishes our differences from one another. When you first meet someone rather than looking at the similarities between you too we see the differences. We tend to exaggerate our differences by minimizing our similarities. “If you are like most people, then like most people, you don’t know if you’re like most peole” – Daniel Gilbert a study shown in the book: “The Art of happiness in a Troubled World.”
In this book the authors, the Dalai Lama and Howard Cutler, explore the concept of me vs we. While reading, I kept agreeing with the fact that there is a distinction in the way we view ourselves to other people, but I couldn’t understand why until the Dalai Lama came up with an example. He told Dr. Cutler that in the Tibetan language the word ‘ngatso’ has two definitions: we; many I’s. In the English language we see those two words as two separate ideas, yet for the tibetans they are combined.
The difference between understanding two different cultures is sometimes lost in the translation. Even if you can speak both languages you can’t fully understand what the concept is. It’s not me or we. It’s me and we. When we change the context of the sentence our inclusiveness is what leads us to seeing the similarity more clearly rather than the difference.
We are always told to try to take the words I and me out of our vocabulary when we first meet someone because we never want to talk about ourselves, we should ask questions. What I realized after reading this chapter is that people act differently when they first meet someone.
We strive to find that one single piece of information that connects our lives together. Through a mutual friend, place of vacation, love for a certain genre of music, and so on. Once we find this one similarity however, we try to make ourselves feel superior by maximizing our experiences.
As I have said before, this concept is simple but not easy. But it is important to understand why our minds work this way. We don’t always have to be the superior person in the circumstance, we can just be mutuals. Maybe, by using this technique we can find the happiness in our troubled, troubled world.
There’s something inside each of us that sparks indescribable feelings. This is a fact. It is different for each person. Sometimes it’s seeing the smile on someone’s face after saving a loved ones life. For others it is the moment of knowing that you aced a test that you studied all year for.
For me it is a lot of things. But a way to incorporate all of my passions into one is experiencing a simple moment of connection between people; one-on-one or to thousands of people all over the world.
I haven’t mastered the skill of sharing my feelings while in conversation. I just have so much to tell people. That is why I like to write and I like to sing because there is always a way to connect with someone without really saying anything- just looking into their eyes.
While I was watching a Coldplay Concert Movie Chris Martin said “and we look at each other and its like a great feeling that you might never look at that person in the eyes ever again so you have a little connection. It’s like every time you look at someone in the eyes you put a little thread between you so you can really connect and you have to approach everything with the freshness that they bring to it so by the time you finish you get a spider web of connections rather than a detachment which is what I used to sometimes feel.”
While hearing Chris talk about this experience I began to understand what he meant by this. We talk about connection and meaning. We think that we have to pour our heart and soul out and be in this vulnerable state where anything we say can break us yet expand us. I just now realized that all you have to do is be open, and look into someones eyes to see the truth.
Again today, I was reminded how much the human touch can affect someone. During a panic attack the best thing to do is to have someone hug you. In the beginning you fight it and try to push off but as the person continues to add pressure on your body you begin to breathe easier.
These simple forms of communication and connection is what provides us with the courage to move on. It is hard to aimlessly go through life without knowing someone will be there to catch you when you are down. To think that a hug or looking into someones eyes can give them the confidence to continue is something that makes humans unlike any other species.
We don’t need hour long speeches of praise or notes of encouragement to feel the satisfaction or love that is given. All we need to do is connect with someone on a different level, one of respect. As Chris said, “It’s like you can flick a switch of letting go. You can get out of your head and go to your heart.” Lead with your heart and your life will follow.
Today, I realized something while scooping ice cream. Everything people consider normal is relative to them. I don’t really know how to phrase this- but I will give an example. As I was scooping ice cream for a costumer, they asked for vanilla on a regular cone to which I responded “which cone”. They were confused and said “the regular one”. Then I had to explain to them that there are two seemingly regular cones- the flat one or the pointy one.
I know this sounds bizarre- but it made me realize something about life. What I may view as the normal or regular cone may be different from someone else’s. It is relative to my point of view and experiences. This reminds me of a quote I read recently: “The entire world is a mirror. We experience the world the way we do because of who we are, not because of how it is.” (From “The Key and the Name of the Key is Willingness”) How remarkable is that idea? It is something you obviously know but you never put two and two together in order to comprehend that fact.
I have this theory- that even though people are from different backgrounds, religions, heritages, countries, speak different languages, have different skin, and everything else that differentiates ourselves from others- we are all the same. Not because of any religious aspect but because we are physically the same. When we are born we are truly capable to do and be anything we want. It is not our parents, our financial situation holding us back, it is only ourselves.
The only thing that matters is the way you view the world relative to the way you view yourself. If you view the world with yourself in it- then you will succeeded. But if you view the world without yourself in it- it will be impossible to achieve your goals.
I am an optimist. I truly believe that if something is meant to be- it will be! If it means looking at two ice cream cones to help you solve a piece of the puzzle- then so be it! If you just take a look around you and inside you- you will be able to see the world in a new light, relative to who you are.
Everything happens for a reason. I can’t tell you how many times I will repeat this and fully not understand what it really means.
Today I stumbled upon a beautiful piece that dealt with the way woman view themselves and the standards that they are put to. I am not writing this post to be all feministic but rather the opposite.
Most of the people who read this blog (I assume) are woman and I think that there should be a message to everyone in the world- especially woman- about the false beliefs that through the years we have fallen to believe and take part in.
Colbie Calliat in her new music video “Try” approached the idea of looking at yourself at your purest form. Looking in the mirror, taking your hair down, and your makeup off and truly embracing who you are. Isn’t that powerful?
I didn’t realize how much that makeup and the idea of the picture perfect girl affected me until I watched this music video. We see in the movies and on television that people whom we look up to aren’t who we think they are. They go to rehab for eating disorders and depression and we wonder how and why they can be just like us.
Well the truth is simple: if we are able to fully see inside of ourselves, look into our eyes, and feel proud of the image we see then we are able to try harder for ourselves throughout the day. We can see WHY we are worth more rather than hearing it.
We don’t need to create organizations and movements to stand up for the rights of woman if we just take it inside of ourselves to believe in us.
Everyone should try. Try not to wear makeup for a week. Or get your hair done for a special event. Or try to confine to the public opinion of beauty. Because when you are true to yourself- in your purest form- that is when you are the most beautiful.
If you are a girl or not- just try. Try to be a better version of yourself- your real self.
If you haven’t seen the video I would recommend watching it. You can find the link here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXoZLPSw8U8
Quotes have a funny way of popping up in all the right places at the right times. Every morning when I wake up I have a different quote and assignment for the day programed into my phone by the app “Transform Your Life”. Todays quote reads: The range of what we think and do is limited by what we fail to notice. And because we fail to notice that we fail to notice, there is little we can do to change until we notice how failing to notice shapes our thoughts and deeds. – R.D. Laing
Its funny because you truly don’t understand how much you miss until you miss something that you shouldn’t have. Thats why I think that we have to be reminded everyday of how blessed we are. If you wake up in the morning with a bad mood you won’t notice the bird signing on the tree or the extra oatmeal that someone left for you. You will just go about your day in a wrath.
I think that life would be better if everyone wakes up with a smile on their face. They will be able to notice all the good and bad in the world allowing them to make good conscious decisions. Then again if we were happy all the time we would never understand what it feels to be truly happy because all we know is being happy. So there has to be a balance. We have to know when to choose to be happy and when we are truly happy.
Life is a balance. We fight to keep the glass half full just as much as we fight to keep our lives meaningful. If we notice the little things, maybe we can understand the big things.
The other day I read a buzzfeed article that had a list of 20 something things to do before you go to college. The list entailed the normal summer activities that lurk on but never get completed such as: finish a whole book and finish an arts project (preferably for your dorm room.) On that list was a word that is commonly used but I have yet to fully understand: adventure. So my goal for the summer is simply experience adventure wherever I am.
My close friend Alexa is quite good at this. She will seemingly text me the day of a concert and say lets go for an adventure in New York City and end up at a Two Door Cinema Club cocnert. Just now I realized the two clear difference between those who have strong desires to experience the world and those who actually experience adventure is the willingness and freeness to do so.
As I have talked about before and will continue to touch upon confidence is the one key that opens any and every door. As I search for the true meaning of happiness, wellness, confidence, and simple joys in life I have continued to find that confidence is the one factor that everyone is missing. How are you expected to go somewhere you have never been if you don’t have the courage to walk into the unknown. I haven’t been one to make a bucket list but now I realize that I should. It doesn’t have to be extravagant and cost money but it should be different.
Adventure is exciting, new, and fun. Finding people like Alexa who will enjoy those moments with me is just as important as enjoying those moments by myself. I don’t have to make new friends, get new clothes, or do something totally insane. I just have to BE MYSELF and trust that the path will lead to new awareness.
SO, Have a theme party with friends. Drive aimlessly until you find something fun to do. Blast music and sing with your hair blowing in the wind. Take funny pictures. Go to a theme part. Surf a huge wave. Try a new yoga pose.More than anything: enjoy everything that life offers. Be adventurous, be daring, and make memories that you will never forget.
Today I saw a video that is called “Not Sorry” part of Pantene’s Shine Strong Campaign. It shows woman apologizing for simple tasks they do daily. For example: opening the door for someone you say “sorry” even though your holding the door. If someone sits down next to you, immediately the response is “sorry”. Until you sit back and look back, you don’t realize how much you say sorry on a daily basis.
These clips of videos are inspiring. I believe that everyone should draw attention to this problem: not just women. Confidence says a lot about a person. It draws you into their life and their story. Everyone is most beautiful with their head held high and a smile on their face.
With social media and common ideas floating around on the internet it is common to have a preconceived notion about an idea that really you don’t believe in. That is why you should question everything you are told. Don’t let someone tell you that you can’t do that. More importantly allow yourself to thrive. Even if its something that you hear on the news; don’t let someone else’s ideas cloud your judgement.
Be the reason that people stop and think. Make yourself known. It doesn’t have to be in a big way that make you the center of attention. Enjoy yourself and your life. Stop saying sorry and start being confident.